also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
