I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize