after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
