i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
