nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
