my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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