Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
