In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
