saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
