Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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