Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
