May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
