My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
