You just made me feel so damn special
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
