Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
