Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
