He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
