so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
