SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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