Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
