....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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