we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
