Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
