We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
