I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
