The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
