have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize