I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
