allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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