I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
