All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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