she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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