My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
