you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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