You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize