We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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