why didn't you poke me back
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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