also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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