i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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