the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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