well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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