His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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