In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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