I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
