I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
