i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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