My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Girls should come with a carfax report
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
