You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
