pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
