Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
