Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
