you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize