i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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