You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
