I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
