there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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