I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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