I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
