at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
