We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
