saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
