I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
