Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
