life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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