He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
