Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
sex in a hospital.. check
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
