Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
