did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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