Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
