What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
