I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
