I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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