I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize