I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
