With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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