are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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